Her Money Isn’t Our Money Too?

A funny thing happened to Kevin one day last week.  “I surprised my wife with a fancy new cell phone.  But when I gave it to her, she said, ‘You didn’t actually pay for this, did you?’  Before I could even respond she barked back, ‘If I had known that, I would have bought it myself, because I don’t want our money being spent like that!’  What does she mean by “our” money anyway?  She works … isn’t her money our money, too?  She never said that kind of stuff when we were dating!  How did my money become “our” money the day we married, but her money is still “her” money?”   

When it comes to spending money in a relationship, some couples reach agreement easily while others can be as far apart as Donny Osmond and Amy Winehouse writing their wedding vows.  Kevin’s wife Christine’s concern for the family budget notwithstanding, she may need to be reminded that we live in a new millennium.  Since she also works and earns money, her money should be family, better yet “our” money too. 

I contacted Christine by phone and she confirmed for me what she had already told Kevin.  “I’ve worked hard for ten years,” she stated emphatically.  “I’ve earned my money, it’s my money, and I should be able to spend it on anything I want.  He’s the man.  His money is supposed to be for both of us.  That’s the way it’s always been, and that’s the way it should be!” 

Does this stream of logic represent the way most liberated women think?  Maybe I missed an important memo.  Forgive me if I approach this logically, but I was under the impression that women have been laboring for the past forty years to change the way things have always been.  Apparently, the more things change, the more some things tend to stay the same.  When Christine stated she would have bought the cell phone with her money, she apparently sought to exercise control over two sources of income simultaneously, her own and her husband’s. 

What would cause Christine to seek such control of the finances?  Why would she so casually assume that the money she makes be hers to spend as she wishes, while all of Kevin’s earnings be carefully allocated for the family, each proposed expense rigidly scrutinized?  From where does this apparent sense of entitlement originate?  Is it fair?  What do you think?  

Ron Stout has a B.A. in Psychology and an M.S. in Counseling & Human Development. He is an adjunct professor teaching college courses in Educational Psychology, Human Development, and Personal & Social Adjustment, and he is the author of the popular book Secrets From Inside The Clubhouse: What Men REALLY Think About Women.

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